


Active Venom

by WorstSageEver



Category: VALORANT (Video Game)
Genre: F/F, Fluff and Angst, Guilt, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, REYGE, Social Anxiety, Trauma, Useless Lesbians, it's called Active Venom but viper is nowhere to be seen lol, sorry i wrote this, supportive dad brimstone, they're both stuck inside their own heads, yikes these two are so awkward lmao
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-05
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-17 03:27:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,351
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29218734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WorstSageEver/pseuds/WorstSageEver
Summary: Set after the projected ending of Dreamfang’s Latent Venom, Reyna has been converted from Kingdom to VALORANT. But there’s some unresolved issues to be dealt with.Given the trauma Reyna had inflicted on VALORANT (and arguably vice versa), it took some time for the other agents to warm to her. Eventually, they did come around - most of them, that is.Sage was the only one who still remained distant.
Relationships: Reyna/Sage (VALORANT)
Comments: 29
Kudos: 54





	1. Trauma

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Fault Lines](https://archiveofourown.org/works/29041560) by [Dreamfang](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dreamfang/pseuds/Dreamfang). 



> lol
> 
> Shamelessly taking inspiration (stealing?) here from other works. Dreamfang’s Latent Venom universe, ofc, as well as Chapter 2 of merong63’s Favor.
> 
> I highly recommend you read Dreamfang’s Fault Lines if you want to understand this fic (as well as all their other fics - just because they’re a wonderful writer). If you don’t, you’ll probably be left wondering why there’s a lack of context for certain events.
> 
> also idk if 'Active Venom' is a placeholder title or not. I just think it's funny :3
> 
> Enjoy <3

Eye contact was never a problem.

Sage always looked the other person in the eye when she spoke. Eye contact meant trust. It meant sincerity. Warmth. And she liked seeing the other person’s face - their animated features, those glimpses of smiles. Not to mention how every little shift in their expression could better let her know what was on their mind. 

It was only back then that she was forced to avert her eyes. She’d had no choice. Who knows what Reyna might have done to her (or what else she would do to her, rather) if she hadn’t?

But that time was long past. Reyna was her ally now. 

And eye contact meant trust. 

So Sage struggled to explain why she could never bring herself to meet Reyna’s gaze. Not even so much as a glance. She wondered if Reyna thought her weak because of it. Was it her fault? Was it anyone’s fault?

The only thing Sage knew for certain was that she was alone in this struggle. No one else in VALORANT had her problem. Problems, rather. At least, not anymore. 

Given the trauma Reyna had inflicted on VALORANT, and - arguably - vice versa, it took a while before they could truly warm to each other. Feeling comfortable in each other’s presence was a hard-earned necessity for the agents to work fluidly and effectively with one another. It took months, even up to a year for some, for this to become a reality. Of course, Viper already had had the opportunity to develop a strong bond with the Empress. Then it was Yoru, Cypher, and as mentioned, Raze, who were the first to engage with Reyna in something resembling a stable friendship. The others slowly followed. Jett and Killjoy were understandably among the last. It might never have happened at all, if not for Reyna making constant overtures to the two in hopes of healing the rift between them caused by their rocky history together. 

Sage was the only one who still remained distant.

The first time she saw Reyna free of her Kingdom affiliation, Sage was unusually hesitant. Yes, the monk was somewhat of an introvert, but that was no explanation for the interaction that took place.

“Welcome to VALORANT, Reyna,” she said, too quietly. She feared Reyna did not hear her at all. 

But more disturbing was the feel of her name on her tongue, so vile that it discouraged Sage from further conversation entirely. A painful silence ensued. 

“I…”

Something stuck in Reyna’s throat. It sounded as though her larynx had closed in on itself. She froze, and Sage made no attempt to thaw her out of it.

Too much time passed before Reyna finally found her verbal footing. 

And all she managed to choke out in the end was a barren, “Thank you.” 

Then she mumbled something about having to excuse herself, before quickly sweeping out of the room.

What had been on the tip of her tongue? An apology? A confession? 

Sage’s curiosity kept her up more nights than she was comfortable admitting. She wondered if Reyna felt guilty. Or if she secretly enjoyed seeing the pain on the healer’s face. If she licked her lips upon remembering the sound of her screams. 

With so much left unspoken from the both of them, she couldn’t know if she should feel relieved or disappointed.

When Sage had first caught wind that Reyna would be joining their cause, she was pleasantly surprised. She thought it might rid her of the occasional nightmares she had of the Empress. A chance to talk things out, and heal.

But things did not go as she’d hoped. Sage tried to move on from their dry and awkward first interactions. Perhaps seeing Reyna in her natural habitat, showing kindness and compassion and humour towards others, would help Sage learn that the woman was nothing to be terrified of.

And this did happen. Over the course of many months, Sage watched Reyna’s jovial and heartwarming conversations with her fellow agents.

Still, Sage hesitated to do so much as even look her in the eye, let alone approach or speak to her. 

It was no good - no good at all - to live in fear of one who was supposed to be an ally.

What was the problem? Sage had been hurt badly by others before, and was able to forgive them and move on. Some of her best friendships sprouted from such difficulties.

Why was Reyna different?

Sage suspected that it had to do, at least partially, with her own humiliation. How Reyna forced her to plead, beg, submit. Reduced her from her strong and prideful self to a whimpering mess. Sage always frowned to think upon it. Especially those deplorable words she was made to utter. Her mind ran through them time and time again until they mercifully lost all their miserable significance. Numbing herself to those words, only knowing them for the sounds of their vowels and consonants rather than what they really,  _ truly _ meant. 

_ Please. _

_ I am sorry. _

_ For challenging you. _

_ You are my superior. _

Gasping and writhing on the ground. Tears leaking from her eyes. 

If Reyna had seen her like that, then what was the point in even trying to restore relations?

It was unreasonable, but she couldn’t deny that that’s how she felt sometimes. Every time she saw Reyna, or rather, every time Reyna saw her - Sage imagined that  _ that _ scenario was playing on repeat in the vampire’s head. 

Because it was certainly what was on Sage’s mind whenever she saw her.

_ “Don’t you go around acting all poised and dignified with me. I know what you’re like when you’re begging for mercy.”  _

She dreamt often that Reyna would think such things. Or worse yet - that she might say them directly to her face. She wouldn’t, of course. Not anymore. Still, it put Sage off completely from trying to strike up even the smallest of conversations. 

Of course, the two were forced to interact every now and then. It might be a  _ “Reyna, could you tell Skye we have our briefing in ten?” _ followed by  _ “Certainly.” _ Strictly business, and nothing more. 

Not everything was always so clean, however, especially since their violent history with one another was still so fresh in Sage’s head. 

The worst was when, one day, all the agents were practicing in the Range together. Sage had just cleared her area of target dummies, and took a moment to survey her surroundings. Most of the other agents were focused hard on their own routines. But then Sage caught sight of Reyna. 

The Empress was not practicing. Not at that specific moment. Instead, she was holding her Phantom by its body. Inspecting it.

Just like back then, just before… 

Sage let out a fearful cry, and cowered. She whipped around in the other direction, pulling her hands close to her body as if she were protecting them. It only took a split second for her to come to her senses, thinking,  _ “What am I doing? I am in no danger here.”  _ She was suddenly aware of all the room’s eyes on her.

And so, amidst the rumble of attention from the others asking if she was okay, Sage transitioned into a fabricated coughing fit under the pretense that the water she’d been drinking had gone down her trachea by accident. She felt much less believed when she realized her water bottle sat on the ground three feet away from her, and when the other agents just stared at her, then at each other, before returning to their practice.

The thing is, Sage could have sworn she saw Reyna thrust forth with the butt of the weapon. That practiced gesture - one she didn’t know could evoke such a reaction from her, not after so much time had passed. 

She took to second-guessing herself, replaying the scene over and over when she closed her eyes. Is that really what she saw? Could she be certain? 

Maybe she imagined it. She was stuck too deep inside her own head. A habit that had plagued her in the past. 

Whatever the case, Sage chided herself for that incident often. She didn’t need the other agents knowing how she felt about Reyna. It was bad enough that all the others had gotten friendly with her and Sage was the only one who hadn’t. Politeness was a decent excuse for keeping the Empress at arm’s length, but only up to a point. 

It was a wonder that Brimstone hadn’t yet approached her, asking what the problem was between her and Reyna. Perhaps it was because he already knew how Sage felt given her suffering at Reyna’s hands, and he didn’t want to engage that conversation for fear of backlash from Sage. But she hoped instead that it was simply beyond Brimstone’s expectations that everyone else would take well to Reyna so quickly, and so perhaps he didn’t feel the need to push his luck further by forcing the same burden on Sage.

She cursed internally. Just the fact that she thought of it as a burden spoke volumes. 

Sage wished she could have treated this as Raze did - socked Reyna in the liver the first time they met after the Empress joined VALORANT. A twisted, but not totally unwarranted practical joke for what happened in Japan. And to the surprise of all, Reyna took well to the payback.

But it wasn’t like Sage could smash Reyna’s hand into a million pieces and expect the same good-humoured reaction.

Nor did she want anyone to ever have to go through a fraction of what she was forced to endure.

Sage remembered standing, what - not ten feet away? From Reyna, who keeled over from the punch to her liver delivered by the Brazilian’s balled up fist. Raze, through wheezing laughter, said something about wanting to do that for the longest time. The other agents showed their concern for Reyna’s pain, yet even in spite of her insistence that “I’m fine, I’m fine, I guess I deserve that, after all,” Sage had, since then, constantly regretted not offering to heal Reyna then and there. It would have been the perfect way to make amends after starting their relationship off on the wrong foot. But instead, the two would go about their business, day after day, as if neither knew of the other’s existence. 

Speaking of business, Sage had a busy day ahead of her tomorrow.

She snapped herself out of the fog of ruminations, and peered at her bedside clock. 2:06 A.M. Last she looked at the time, it was 1:30 - which was also when these brooding thoughts barged in unannounced. 

Without thinking, she pushed the covers off her, then got up to leave her room. 

*******

The rumbling of the kettle and her deep, gentle breaths were all that punctuated the silence of the night. Sage popped a dark chocolate almond into her mouth, savouring its sweet richness. She would have to brush her teeth again before going to bed, and by then it’d be pretty late. But by the looks of it, she was never going to get much sleep anyways. 

She might as well focus on calming her thoughts as best she could. It would likely be necessary if she wanted to fall asleep at all. Though far from optimal, three hours was all she needed to function properly throughout the day. 

If only she could get Reyna off her mind. That would be the first step, but it was much easier said than done. There was something magnetic about the woman, such that Sage often found herself drawn to thinking of her, no matter how far-removed she was from the situation at hand. 

The kettle clicked. Sage poured the boiling hot water into her tea mug, and she was grateful for the warmth of the rising steam against her chilly face. She added a generous splash of milk, then a layer of fluffy cream froth that billowed just slightly over the brim of the mug. 

Sage held the mug by its knitted cup sleeve with two frosty hands, and its heat comforted her. She gazed out the window at the endless black sky. Whispers of clouds camouflaged themselves in all that inky darkness, and were barely perceptible. It spoke of such an intense quiet that it did help to still her mind somewhat. 

“...fhhht!”

Sage turned in the direction of the noise. Someone else awake, this late at night?

Well, it wouldn’t be all that surprising. Other agents harboured similar demons, or worse. 

Not wanting to disturb whoever was there, Sage took slow, silent steps into the infirmary from where she heard the voice. 

She turned the corner into the doorway.

Reyna.

Sage’s thoughts came to an abrupt halt. She only stilled, absorbing what she saw before her. 

The Empress sat shirtless in the dark, facing away from her observer. Thick, bloodstained bandages obscured much of her abdomen, one of her shoulders, and her lower legs. Through gritted teeth, she sucked air again while… removing an old bandage on her thigh? Sage couldn’t see well from the angle she was at. 

Such an ironic coincidence was criminal. Running into the one person she was trying to clear her mind of. Sage rubbed her eyes, hoping her mind was playing a cruel trick on her, and that Reyna would be there no longer when she looked again.

Only now, Reyna was staring her in the face.

Sage started, nearly spilling her tea. She had to mask her shock quickly, however, so as not to let the true nature of her fears spill over as well. 

But Reyna herself also seemed to be taken aback. Speechless, perhaps. Just like so many times before, the two held each other's gaze with only silence separating them. 

Sage was the one to finally break it.

“Good evening, Reyna,” she said, her voice dry in spite of the tea she’d been drinking.

Reyna only nodded in acknowledgment. 

Sage found herself stuck in a seriously uncomfortable hesitation. What should she do - bid her goodnight, leave the room? Or come forth and see why Reyna chose to patch herself up at such an ungodly hour?

As much as she wanted to go with the former, leaving now would only reinforce the idea in Reyna’s mind that Sage feared her. For both their sakes, it’d be best to avoid that at all costs. 

She swallowed the thorns in her throat, and approached. 

What exactly she would say still eluded her. Her mind was blank as she pulled out a chair and sat next to Reyna. 

“You’re up late,” Reyna said. Her tone held none of her usual arrogance, but was instead offered as a quiet observation. 

Sage’s throat tightened. Funny that Reyna would comment on this, when she was the cause of Sage’s sleeplessness. The healer wondered if Reyna was aware of this irony. 

“How did you sleep?”

Reyna gave a soft smile. A tinge of sadness hid within it. Compassion was a highly unusual look on her. Sage had to work to hide her initial puzzlement. 

“I was unable to. That is why I am awake now. I am sorry if I’ve disturbed you.”

“No, not at all. But it seems you’ve caught me in the midst of…” Reyna began, then trailed off.

Sage let out a soft gasp when she looked upon all the wounds Reyna gestured to. Her healer’s instinct took hold, and she leaned over at once to inspect the manner of their treatment. 

“Oh, Reyna. What happened?”

_ I thought you could heal yourself, _ she wanted to ask. But she didn’t want to pry. There was likely good reason she hadn’t healed herself, and Sage never again wanted to say anything that might earn her the Empress’ anger. 

Fortunately, and as if she could read her mind, Reyna answered the question for her. 

“Usually I would heal through souls. This is all because I haven’t been eating well recently,” she said. She ripped off another butterfly bandage, this time on her wrist, revealing a messy line of oozing black and dark crimson. 

Upon seeing such a terrible sight, Sage handed Reyna her mug of tea.

“Hold this, please. Take a sip if you would like.”

_ What am I doing?  _ Sage wondered as she found some alcohol-free wipes in the nearby cupboard. Her heart was pounding out of her chest, and her fingers were nowhere near as steady as she’d like. This was the most she’d talked to Reyna since she met her, and it made her skin crawl. She began applying the wipes to the skin around the cut on Reyna’s wrist. 

The sorry state of the wound disturbed her. 

“You must disinfect the wound first, you cannot simply throw these bandages over it."

Reyna said nothing. It was too dark to tell, but Sage thought she saw a shift in the demeanour of the other woman. She went cold when she realized -  _ is she angry? _

So she added, softly, “You should have asked me for help. I am always ready and willing to tend to your wounds, whenever you need.” 

Sage instantly regretted making such an offer. She abhorred having to be in such close proximity with the Empress. But she hoped the words appeased her temper. 

“I know you’ve been… busy. I didn’t want to be a bother,” Reyna said, casting her eyes away.

Sage’s hands slowed to a halt. All those times she heard Reyna’s voice nearby - or even so much as her footsteps - and moved quickly to appear deeply occupied so as to deter the Empress from even thinking of approaching her.

She felt guilty, now, to learn how well it’d worked.

“You said you couldn’t sleep. What’s the matter?” Reyna asked.

“I… had too much caffeine.”

“You don’t drink coffee.”

“Oh?”

_ How did you know?  _ She wanted to ask, but the question seemed off in her head. And it would reveal that she really was lying. The last time she ‘lied’ to Reyna… 

“...I had caffeine pills,” Sage tried instead. 

“Mm. That’s why your hands shake so, yes?” 

Reyna sounded as if she didn’t believe her. It wasn’t much of a surprise - Sage knew herself to be a terrible liar. But being caught so easily was no good.

She always did get caught by her, after all. 

Sage looked down at her hands. Indeed, her fingers were trembling more than ever. 

_ Ah, I really am nervous. _

“I’m sorry,” was all Sage said in response, and she tried to work more quickly in wiping away the pus so she could apply a new bandage. 

“What are you sorry for, li-”

Reyna cut herself off abruptly. She blanched, and Sage wondered if she did something wrong.

Her heartbeat drummed away from inside her ears. Sage needed desperately to relax herself with a sigh, but Reyna would hear it. Would ask about it. And it made her feel deeply claustrophobic. 

“I’m sorry. I suddenly feel quite sick. I can… Sorry,” Sage said as she fled the room.

Her regrets compounded on each other unceasingly while she made her way back to her bedroom. Or, to the bathroom first. Or, no. She didn’t know what she wanted. To throw up or pass out. Neither would come easily, and she hated it.

_ Fuck,  _ she should have offered to tend to her wounds tomorrow. Well, no, because then she would have been even more sick with anxiety. But as it stood, she could only wince, thinking of Reyna continuing to treat her own wounds so crudely. 

And there were so many things Sage had wanted to say, but didn’t, or fumbled them. Apologies, mostly. For what? She didn’t know. 

What would Reyna think of her now? What did Sage even do? She tried to take stock of the situation, tried to think of it from Reyna’s perspective, but her head was already pounding and could produce nothing of value. 

Somehow, eventually, she found herself lying atop her bed. Staring at the ceiling. 

_ Tomorrow I can make things better. I can make amends. _

Funny. She’d had the same thought every night ever since Reyna joined VALORANT.

Sage curled up on her side, her heart finally beginning to slow.

The only thing she knew for certain was that she was right to have avoided the Empress for all this time. And what a fool she was now, to ruin it all by daring to approach her. 

She ended up falling asleep an hour later, and woke up at 5. Two hours. 

Two hours was not enough to prepare her for what came that following day. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> can’t believe these two idiots ruined what could have been a really sweet and fluffy scene with their social awkwardness and past traumas smh smh smh
> 
> you know it's bad when sage goes to bed without brushing her teeth after her tea and almonds. ugh 😩


	2. Perfect storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reyna recounts her own experiences with Sage. Sage has a couple of unexpected conversations.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> / I don't know why I run away /
> 
> / I'll make you cry when I run away /
> 
> Not exactly the ideal fic to be updating on Valentine’s :3

_ Mierda, mierda, maldita sea todo. _

Reyna groaned, burying her face deep into her pillow as she kneeled over on her bed. She’d been upset too deeply by the way she’d scared off Sage to bother finishing with the treatment of her wounds, and by now some of the bandages were unravelling onto the sheets beneath her. It didn’t matter, and she didn’t care. 

How could she have messed this all up so badly? She’d been waiting  _ so long _ for an opportunity just like this. And what had she done with it?

Nothing.

No, worse than nothing. She’d wanted to give back. Make up for all the pain she’s caused. But Sage didn’t let her.  _ She _ was the one who gave. Healed her wounds. Offered her compassion. She even gave her her fucking tea, for crying out loud. 

Reyna just took it all without even thanking her properly. 

Not that that would have made anything much better. Reyna had so much to repent for. Any gesture or apology she made in that moment would have been a drop in the ocean of atrocities she’d committed. 

There was once a time where she could exercise cruelty with abandon. She slept like a baby knowing it was all for (what she thought was) the greater good. But after having the world as she knew it turned upside down, she was overwhelmed to see the accumulation of moral debts she truly owed. 

She liked to think that, after all she’d done for VALORANT in the past months, she’d paid many of them back. 

None to do with Sage.

  
Sage.

If only she could just hate her. It’d make everything so much easier. 

_ She’s a bitch. She’s scum. Turning up her nose at everyone else. She thinks she’s better than us all. Go fuck yourself, Sage. _

Oh, how Reyna wished she could think such things. Too bad they couldn’t be farther from the truth.

Sage was by far the most kind-hearted, caring, patient, generous, and  _ forgiving _ person Reyna ever had the displeasure of meeting. And - it couldn’t be overstated - all Reyna had given in return was hurt.

Why?

Some days, Reyna questioned whether it was all just a sick joke. She’d chosen to spend so much of her life making enemies out of all the people who never deserved her wrath in the first place. When she found out, it at least helped her channel all that rage back against Kingdom. There was a sweet redemption in her destruction, then. Tearing through all those who’d so blatantly lied to her, and having the rest of VALORANT congratulate her on doing what they could not. But months later, and it was no longer enough. 

There were some wounds that violence couldn’t heal.    
  
She saw it in the way the other agents looked at her. How Killjoy kept her head down whenever the Empress entered the room. How Jett gave her that nervous side-eye, like she feared Reyna might snap and murder them all at any moment. 

And of course, there was Sage. 

Sage, who would not even breathe the same air as the Empress. Who, at the very sight of her, would pale, shiver, and stutter. Sage - calm and collected as she always was - never stuttered. That’s what everyone else said, at least. Reyna couldn’t claim to know her that well when she hardly ever saw the girl. 

At first, Reyna thought it was mere coincidence that Sage was rarely around. It took a few weeks for her to realize that that was by design. Whenever Reyna altered her schedule, Sage did the same so as to avoid her whenever possible. Perhaps she thought she was being discreet, but Reyna saw through it. And it wasn’t exactly a mystery as to why Sage was so wary of her.

Reyna ate herself alive with guilt every time she thought of the torment she’d forced on the poor girl. Fists clenched, breathing stopped. Screwed her eyes shut and willed herself to fight harder, fight  _ harder _ to make things right. If that was even possible at this point. She had this fantasy where she could hug and soothe the healer till she finally felt comfortable with the Empress, but it was clear as day that this really was nothing more than mere fantasy. 

Reyna did not know how to redeem herself to someone who wanted nothing, absolutely nothing to do with her.

Yet excruciatingly, paradoxically, she could not leave this be. She would not allow herself to go unpunished for the crimes that Sage was far too kind to convict her of. 

_ Unpunished. _ Reyna scoffed at her own impotence. If she really wanted to make things right, she would’ve gone forth and done it already. Nothing was stopping her but herself. There were so many things she could’ve done and said that would have at least shown Sage that the vampire was nothing to be afraid of.

She could’ve started with  _ this. _

For what was probably the thousandth time, Reyna pulled open her bedside drawer, revealing a pristine white jewelry box. Small enough to hold in the palm of one hand, which she did. She stared at it for a long while, unthinking. It made no sense, but the sight of it, and knowing what was inside, brought her an unearthly calm. She should’ve felt guilty, if anything. But she had too much guilt nowadays to know what to do with it all. 

She flicked the box open.

Sage’s ring sat - still sat, after all this time - on its velvet cushion. Of course, Reyna could not have expected differently. Yet she wished that she could, and that the ring was situated where it rightfully belonged, so that when she opened this box (which was nearly every day), she might see the ring had vanished. And when she saw it hadn’t, she would will herself to do what she vowed to do for every day prior. 

_ I’ll give it back to her tomorrow. _

_ I’ll give it back to her tomorrow. _

The mantra quickly lost all meaning when, for the nth time, Reyna failed to follow through. She did not believe herself one to indulge in such feeble, dawdling procrastination, but this had proven to be an exception. A most painful one at that, when her pride would never let her forget what she told Sage. 

_ I'll give it back when you've earned my respect. _

**_I promise._ **

The promise was the most painful part. It need not be stated, but Sage had already earned far more than her respect long ago. She had Reyna’s sympathy, admiration, trust, endearment, and…

No. Why had she not just given it back to her? Why, even now, did she not simply push herself to do it? It was not a matter of  _ couldn’t _ or  _ wouldn’t _ . She just… failed. Failed herself, and failed Sage. Every time. 

If she had to put her finger on something, it was that the time just never seemed right. If she returned the ring now, for instance, the poor girl would probably be stuck wondering why now, and not months earlier. What conclusion would Sage draw from such events? That she’d not had Reyna’s respect for all their time prior, and no, no,  _ no, _ Reyna did not want her thinking that. 

Worse yet, what did it tell Sage, given Reyna had not yet returned the ring at all? Did she fear that the Empress still despised her as she - wrongfully - did, so long ago? More terribly wrong thoughts that the monk was very much likely to harbour, all because Reyna lacked the backbone to just tell her how she felt, how she’d felt for so long, to her face. 

And this all ignored the question of how Reyna was to give it back. Knock on her door, hand her the ring, mutter some pathetic apology about misjudging her, then scurry back to her room? Reyna had begun to feel more and more that she should just swallow her pride and get it over with. She stood outside Sage’s room thrice so far, and not once could she push herself to go through with it. 

She much preferred to show her remorse through action, through restitution. But not everyone had enemies they needed murdered - Reyna’s favoured form of payment. And that method would not work here, by any means.

Reyna also considered sneaking into Sage’s room when she was absent, then leaving the ring with a handwritten note for her to come back to. But this method felt so dispassionate, so far removed from the depth of the guilt she felt that she could not bear to do it. It would only give Sage reason to believe that Reyna was too cold to even rectify her transgressions face-to-face. 

Well, she already felt incredibly cold, not ever once addressing her torture of Sage in the way it deserved. 

What was probably the best time in retrospect appeared to be a terrible time in the moment. That being, when she was first initiated into VALORANT and Sage greeted her with such unwarranted graciousness that Reyna was caught off guard.

“Welcome to VALORANT, Reyna,” she’d said. A slight bow. So kindhearted she was, in spite of the terror that was clear in her ever-escalating pulse. 

Reyna had so much she wanted to say. So much she wanted to offer. It was on the tip of her tongue.

_ I have something for you, little dove. _

But it just didn’t seem appropriate. Reyna never should have taken her ring in the first place. And then returning it to her like  _ that _ , as if Reyna was doing her a favour? No. She realized she must apologize instead. And then it was too late, she was too stuck between “I’m sorry,” and “I have something for you, little dove,” so that the only thing that escaped her lips was the unfinished, “I…” which she washed away in exchange for a simple, unsatisfying, “Thank you,” before she exited the premises without a single mention of the ring, nor so much as a hint of an apology. 

So there went what was probably her best opportunity. If she’d just given the ring back then, shown Sage she was sorry, and that yes, she had her respect and everything that came with it, then this wouldn’t have snowballed into the enormous problem that occupied Reyna’s mind for too much of every day. 

_ Mierda, Sage. Get out of my head. I’ve more important matters to focus on.  _

Reyyna forced the jewelry box shut. As if not seeing it would make her problems disappear. But sometimes that’s what she needed to believe. When the thoughts became too much, Reyna only knew to resort to self-deception as a means of comfort.

_ Maybe she’s forgotten about the ring. Maybe it wasn’t that important to her, she hardly cares to have it back. _

Wishful thinking was an understatement. Reyna remembered full well the look on Sage’s face when she took the ring - that sad pout, the genuine hurt and confusion. 

Of course she remembered, because she delighted in the pain she’d inflicted. 

And that was worst of all. 

Because  _ fuck _ , she’d be lying to herself if she said she wouldn’t enjoy it a second time.

But she wouldn’t, she wouldn’t, she wouldn’t, she could not hurt Sage like that again. Her conscience would not allow her. Or so she thought. Reyna frightened herself to death, thinking that one day she might really break the bastion of China again, if only to feed her most visceral urges.

Whether Sage herself felt this danger or not was unknown - Reyna could do no more than wonder what exactly the girl thought of her, but it was clear enough that she still feared her.  _ As she should be, _ the Empress used to think. Now, she thought the same, but for a different reason. 

For as much as she’d changed since joining VALORANT, her thirst for blood had not left her.

Perhaps that’s why she could not bring herself to return the ring.

It was a betrayal of her true self. 

*******

“Hey, Sage. Up so early?”

Sage looked up from the medical report she was reading. Struggling to read, rather. She was grateful for the distraction. 

“Good morning, Commander,” she responded, hoping his query was just a polite nothing. She didn’t want him worrying over how little she’d slept. 

Brimstone stood beside the entrance of the infirmary, coffee cup in hand, postured in such a way as if he was just passing by. So Sage was taken by surprise when he entered the room and took a seat diagonal from her.

“Hope you don’t mind if I join you.”

“No, not at all.” 

The commander rubbed his temples, then clasped his hands together. He looked a little uncomfortable to say the least.

“Are you in need of medical attention?” Sage asked.

“No, thanks. Well, I came here for a couple Aspirins, but since you’re here, I should get this out of the way too.”

Sage cocked her head to one side, prompting Brimstone to explain.

“Ah, hell. Let’s cut to the chase. There’s something going on between you and Reyna, isn’t there?”

Sage stared blankly at him, unblinking. Her face was heating up at the very mention of  _ that _ agent’s name. She tried to appear unfazed, but it was certainly difficult given the atrocious timing of such a conversation. It’s like Brimstone knew what had been in her head for all of last night. That, or he’d been hiding around the corner, listening in on her conversation with Reyna. That could have very well been the case, actually. Was that what prompted… whatever this was?

“...There is something going on?” Sage asked, then winced internally at her painfully unconvincing attempt at sounding oblivious.

“Sage, you know I don’t probe into personal matters unless it’s absolutely necessary.” 

Brimstone looked nearly as pained as Sage felt. If this was tough on him too, he must know a little about her situation. 

That said, why he needed to know about her and Reyna now, of all times, was beyond her. Sage wished he’d just tell her and get it over with, but she was loath to ask, let alone find out. She hated having to talk about this at all. It didn’t help that she’d barely gotten any sleep. Not that any amount of sleep would truly ready her for a direct confrontation with this topic.

“Look, I don’t need to know what it is specifically. But I can’t remember the last time I saw you two in the same room together. I’m beginning to think you’re each other’s alter egos,” Brimstone said, chuckling at his own joke. He stopped when Sage did not reciprocate.

“It is absolutely necessary that you must know?” Sage asked, terrified of the answer.

“One hundred.”

Sage nodded, feeling sicker with each passing moment. 

“I’m sorry to push it, but I’ve gotta know. Have you been avoiding her? On purpose?”

Brimstone’s expression was one of sympathy more than anything else. It made it easier, though not  _ easy _ , for Sage to offer up the truth. 

“Will you promise not to tell Reyna what I am about to say?”

Sage felt uncomfortably similar to a child frightened of getting in trouble, asking something like this in response to Brimstone’s question. 

Brimstone, on the other hand, was genuinely confused. 

“What? No, of course not. This is between you and I.”

“Okay. Yes, I have been trying to stay away from her,” Sage began, her throat dry. She’d despised the thought of admitting to such things aloud, let alone to her commander. “But if you would like to know why - that is something I cannot explain, even to myself.” 

“That’s fine. Again, I don’t need to know what it is,” Brimstone said, feigning obliviousness. Sage wasn’t exactly the hardest person to figure out, but he thought it’d be easier on her if he pretended otherwise. He remembered how difficult it was to so much as steal a glance at her poor hands after Japan. Put two and two together, and he might consider himself confident in guessing why this was something she kept so private. 

“Have you reached out to anyone about this?”

“About… Reyna?”

“Yeah”

“No. I have not,” Sage said, hanging her head low.

“Hey, there’s no shame here. Whenever you’re rea-”

Brimstone stopped. That was his automatic reply to anyone struggling, but painfully, it did not apply here.

“Shit, I wish I could tell you that. Would if I could, you know,” he muttered. 

In the past, Brimstone had avoided urging Sage to talk to someone about it, deciding the point was moot. Maybe he should have approached her earlier. For a long time, he’d suspected there was tension between her and Reyna, given how unusually Sage behaved whenever Reyna was in the room, or even when it was just her name being mentioned. 

It’d been nearly a year of this, and he knew that Sage knew better than to bottle things up. Whatever she was dealing with had to be something beyond his understanding. 

Which is why he felt so bad about pushing this on her now. Sage was jittery, fidgeting with her fingers. She avoided his eyes. He’d never seen her like this before. 

“Unfortunately, you and her are going to need to work things out in the coming week.”

_ As if it were that simple _ , Brimstone thought dryly to himself. He knew full well that forcing the healing process never worked, but here he was. With great reluctance, he continued.

“At least try to get on talking terms with her, because, well… I don’t think you’re gonna like what I’m about to say,” he said with a heavy sigh. He prepared himself for the pushback, and the stabbing in his heart for when he’d have to put his foot down.

And the way Sage looked up at him, like she too was readying herself for some painful revelation. 

“I’m sending you and Reyna on a mission together. Just the two of you. I hope you know that I delayed this for as long as I could, but of course, this sort of thing was bound to happen,” Brimstone said, and when it looked as though Sage wanted to interrupt him, he added, “I know, you and I both wish there was a way around this, but it’s  _ absolutely necessary  _ that you and Reyna are there for this extraction.”

_ Absolutely necessary.  _

Brimstone was right. This sort of thing was bound to happen, and Sage didn’t know why she thought she could avoid it; why she thought she could avoid Reyna. 

Sage buried her face in her hands, letting out a quiet groan. She hated to make her commander feel guilty over this, but she was so worn out, and it couldn’t be helped. Brimstone made it more than clear that this was unavoidable, yet still, she wanted to ask again, _ “Is there not another way?” _

Maybe Sage deserved this. All her past weaknesses were catching up to her. She’d let her fear of Reyna conquer her, and now she had to face it head on. 

“Hey, I’m sorry, kid,” Brimstone said, resting a hand on Sage’s shoulder. “I don’t wanna pretend to know what you’re going through, but what I do know is that you’ll pull through. You always do. And you’ve got a week before the mission to get this all sorted out.”

He said it like that was plenty of time for which Sage’s deep-rooted problems could be undone. Both of them knew that it was far from enough. 

“I’ll tell you more in the coming days, once we work out more of the details. Besides, I think I’ve bothered you enough already. Keep your head up, Sage.” 

*******

Normally, Sage appreciated how quiet the base was in the early morning. Today, it only amplified her unwanted thoughts to an uncomfortable volume. She strode through the halls at a heightened pace, hoping to keep her mind at bay. 

After Brimstone left, she was too frazzled to continue with the reports. She wasn’t getting much work done in the first place, anyways. There was an hour or so left before their morning briefing. A short nap to catch up on some of the sleep she’d lost sounded nice. Getting warm under the covers was an added bonus, given how she shivered from the morning cold. 

Best of all, her brain wouldn’t bother her while she was unconscious. 

When Sage returned to her room, she was surprised to see her door was open. She swore she’d closed it - she always kept it closed. Maybe with how tired she was this morning, she slipped and forgot to do so.

The sun was only beginning to rise, and what little light shone through the window still left the room mostly dark. Sage flicked the lights on, revealing a tall figure standing at her bedside. 

Reyna.

Again.

Sage would not have been surprised if her heart gave out, then and there.

Upon hearing the girl’s gasp, Reyna turned around. The two locked eyes briefly, before Sage broke away, choosing to keep her gaze focused on the window at her right. 

“Sage. I didn’t expect you to be here.”

“Neither did I. I-I mean, I did not expect  _ you _ to be here either, of course,” Sage sputtered. 

_ Well, this is my room, after all, _ she thought. But whenever she spoke with Reyna (which was very rarely), she found herself keeping a lot of thoughts to herself. 

But that was besides the point.

This was unbelievable.

No matter where Sage went to escape her, Reyna was there. She wasn’t safe, even in her most private abode. 

“Did you need something, Reyna?” Sage asked, thinking that probably came across better than  _ “What in the world are you doing here?” _

“Er… I was looking for Brimstone. Have you seen him?” Reyna said, sounding as though she were choosing her words carefully.

“He was in the infirmary. I do not know if he has left by now,” Sage responded. 

“But, you are aware that this is  _ my _ room, yes?”

“Ah, my mistake, then. I suppose the commander wouldn’t have these, would he?” Reyna said, patting the stuffed seal plushie that lay beside Sage’s pillow, to which the healer went flush. A faint smile traced Reyna’s lips. No humour lay behind it.

It was then that Sage noticed the small, white cube in Reyna’s hand.

A jewelry box?

“May I ask what that is?” Sage asked, pointing at the box. 

“Oh, this?” Reyna said, her hands fumbling to lift it up for Sage to see better. Were those beads of sweat forming on her forehead? 

Sage nodded.

“It’s… it’s nothing. Don't worry about it, mi corazón.”

Why Reyna wouldn’t answer her properly, Sage did not know. But she didn’t want to push it further, didn’t know why she asked in the first place. She wasn’t looking for further conversation, nor any conversation at all. She just wanted Reyna gone. 

“I se-”

“I should get going, then,” Reyna said briskly, interrupting Sage. “I hope I didn't disturb you.” 

With that, Reyna walked out the door, her muscles visibly tensed. Sage waited for her to exit earshot, then waited a little more, before letting out a deep sigh.  
 ****

*******

Failed again.

Reyna cursed herself.

But she got a little bit closer this time. Closer than ever before.

She placed the box neatly back within her bedside drawer.

_ I’ll give it back to her tomorrow. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sage keeps her door shut specifically so people don’t see she still has stuffed animals at the age of 24.


End file.
